"Drag your thoughts ways from troubles… by the ears, buy the heals, or any other way you can manage it."
Mark Twain
This blog is not written by a counselor. It is written by someone who has suffered the effects of depression. There was a time in my life that it was a treat to have a depression free day. My life was a whirl wind of emotion, and I could never see anything better. Every thought was depressive, and every word that came out of my mouth was depressive.
This life of depression was taking its toll on my relationships and my health. Every day, I suffered with a migraine and muscle pain. No one knew how to help me, and I didn't know how to help myself. Many of my friends thought I was just becoming anti-social, so they withdrew from me.
Yes, there were good days, but they were seldom. Even my daughter, Snow, suffered, because I wasn't always present. There were times where my mom, Shirley, and Aunt Ellen had to take Snow for me. This caused even more pain, because I felt guilt and shame at not taking care of Snow.
There is good news, though. In the last ten years, my depression has decreased significantly. It did not happen overnight, because depression is multifaceted. Brenton likes to use the illustration of an onion. Once I started dealing with the emotions that were on the top layer, I always found a second layer. The bottom layers are emotions that are buried due to the pain it causes.
One by one, I have dealt with these painful emotions. Even now, after all this time, I still find emotions that I need to face. Now, I am getting to the primary emotions that are the most painful. This is how I see emotional healing: first, I dealt with the less painful emotions and now they don't bother me. Next, I deal with slightly more painful emotions and they no longer bother me. This goes on and on until I finally deal with the most painful emotions. Each time I learn to deal with an emotion, I have learned enough to go on to the slightly more painful emotions.
Sometimes, I want to jump right in and deal with the primary source of my depression, but, I am not ready to deal with the pain. This primary pain is too overwhelming and could cause my depression to worsen. Plus, I have reached a level of my emotions that I thought was the primary source, but, after dealing with the depression, I realized that there were many more levels underneath.
During this process, I thought there was no end. This is not true, because I have finally reached a place where I see the end in sight. It takes time, but, eventually, I began to feel like there was nothing I couldn't handle. Now, I realize that God has given me everything I need to conquer depression. It was my decision whether I received the healing or not.
"Lord, make me an instrument of your place; where there is your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, hope; where there is darkness, light, and where there is sadness, joy."
St. Francis of Assis
There are specific steps that I take to combat depression. When I feel depressed, I get up and get dressed, refrain from splurging, and talk to a close friend. It is also important that I continuously work on my emotions by creating a gratitude journal, forgiving myself, and eat a healthy diet and exercise. The first set of activities is what I do during a time of depression, and the second set of activities is what I do when I am not depressed.
It is extremely important that I get up and get dressed no matter how I feel. The more I lounge around and sulk, the more I get depressed. If I get up, put on some nice clothes, and put on make-up, I begin to slowly feel good, again. Yes, it is really hard and it doesn't always work immediately, but, eventually, I start to pull out of my depression.
There are times where I go the extra mile and get my hair done at the salon. Just to get my hair washed and styled makes me perk up and ready for my day. If I am unable to go to a salon, I style my own hair. Either way, I feel much better after I fix myself up.
One thing that causes my depression to increase is splurging. Sometimes, I try to suppress my depression by eating or spending money. After the depression subsides, the fact that I have over eaten and spent too much money sets in, and I start feeling depressed, again. It is important that I refrain from making any major decisions, which usually ends in me making a bad decision or splurging.
When I am depressed, the most important thing I need to do is talk to a friend. The friend I talk to is the closest friend I know, and that person is Brenton. He knows exactly what to do during these times, which is to hold me close and listen. There is nothing more special than a friend who actively listens or quietly sits with you without judgment.
It is important for me to never go through depression alone. Even when I feel like hiding in my room, I push myself to spend time with others. This is not just to cheer me up, but helps make sure I don't do anything rash. This includes splurging or hurting myself in any way.
"You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent their making a nest in your head."
Chinese Proverb
"It is the Lord who goes before you; He will [march] with you; He will not fail you or let you go or forsake you; [let there be no cowardice or flinching, but] fear not, neither become broken [in spirit- depressed, dismayed, and unnerved with alarm].
Deuteronomy 31:8
Sometime depression is a product of frustration. There are times when I feel so overwhelmed and down because of something that is not right in my life. This is when I pull out my gratitude journal and look at all the reasons I should be grateful. Like everyone else, I have suffered for various reasons, but I have also had many wonderful moments and amazing people touch my life.
A gratitude journal is very simple to make. All I do is use a journal I have bought from a store, a homemade journal that is made from a notebook, lined or unlined paper, or a computer. Right now, my gratitude journal is my computer. Writing a gratitude journal was awkward at first, but now almost all of my journal writing is gratitude. Once I realized all the things I had to thank God for, I focused on the positive events in my life instead of the negative ones.
Forgiveness is a subject that I talk about often. It is harder to forgive myself than anyone else. When I fail to forgive myself, I leave room for depression to move in and mess with my emotions. Depression has haunted me, because it is extremely hard for me to forgive me. This is where prayer and meditation is so important. If I pray and meditate every morning, I am less likely to deal with depression.
When I first started to meditate, I didn't quite understand how much it would affect my life. Prayer is talking to God, but meditation is listening. Sure, it is important to talk with God, because communication is the best way to build a relationship, but, like all relationships, meditation is even more important. It is the active listening that we use when talking with God.
"Therefore humble yourselves [demote, lower yourselves in your own estimation] under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you,
Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully."
I Peter 5:6, 7
The one thing that can depress me more than anything is the way I eat and lack of exercise. If I eat right and exercise, I don't deal with depression as much. On the other hand, when I eat junk food and do not exercise, I feel sick and miserable. Of course, there were moments in my life where I actually became obsessed with diet and exercise. This caused me to feel depressed, too.
There should always be a balance. It is important for me to eat six small, healthy meals a day and exercise for an hour. If I don't get the chance to exercise for an hour, I don't beat myself up. Right now, I know my exercise program is almost nonexistent. If I can get back to my walking routine, I know I will feel so much better.
Depression is hard on anyone it attacks. There are times when I have used anti-depressants. At that time, I had no other choice, because I couldn't think on my own. Now, I am able to use the techniques in this blog to help me with my depression.
"But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head."
Psalm 3:3
At times, depression has made me feel useless. The one thing I wanted in my life was to feel like I made a difference. When I was depressed, I never felt like I did anything for anyone. This was a lie, and, now, I understand that I can pursue my purpose even when I feel depressed.
Depression will not rob me of my dreams and purpose. The purpose for my life is written down, so, when I do feel depressed and useless, I can read it and move forward in my pursuits. God knew I would deal with depression, but He gave me everything I need to succeed.
There are two truths that I have come to hold dear. They help me through depression, and they have helped decrease the amount of times I go through depression. These two truths are that I was created special and that I was created for this time. All of these truths took me a long time to learn, but they are now an essential part of my reasoning.
Many times, I did not feel like I was created special. These are the times that I just want to see the uniqueness in me. After I began to see the uniqueness in me, I started to understand that I also had to appreciate my own uniqueness. This I learned from watching my children. Each of them has a special personality that I would not change. When I realized how wonderful their uniqueness was, I decided to work on loving my own uniqueness. At this time in my life, I really understood that God had created each of us special and our uniqueness was a gift.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Psalm 139:14
Everyone was born for a specific time and place. When I am depressed, I remind myself that today is my time. As I work on my blogs, books, and seminar topics, I think about all the people that might be inspired by my message. Pursuing my purpose has decreased the frequency of my depression, so I am able to increase my productivity.
Finding my purpose was the key to controlling my depression. My purpose is written down, so, every time I feel useless, I read my purpose out loud. There are times where I have to read my purpose over and over, again. It also helps me to read my purpose statement out loud. This helps me hear myself state the purpose. After hearing my own voice say my purpose statement over and over, it became ingrained in my mind and my heart.
Depression is hard to go through, but it is not impossible. God has a plan for my life. It is important for me to understand that I can succeed, even in the midst of depression. This week's challenge is to take the necessary steps to deal with depression. Success is my goal, and depression is just a speed bump. If I can use these techniques to get through my depression, I will be able to take giant steps closer to success and teach others to be successful, too.
"Reading makes a full man, meditation makes a profound man, discourse a clear man."
Benjamin Franklin
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