"If you have an hour, will you not improve that hour, instead of idling it away."
Lord Chesterfield
There are times that I get frustrated with my physical appearance. There are times that I don't look good in my clothes, because I have gained extra weight. There are also times when I am not physically up to doing my hair or putting on makeup, so I put my hair up and I neglect the makeup. In my life, I have faced quite a few moments such as these. What I am talking about is feeling bad about my outward appearance, which many women I know face on a daily basis.
Women want to look beautiful, but more important they want to feel beautiful. Many times, they may look beautiful to others, but feel like an ugly duckling to themselves. They stress over their beauty and waste valuable time obsessing over their weight, clothes, hair, and makeup. It is a frustration that can consume every moment and create depression. Unfortunately, many of the television programs or movies they watch don't help them. In the end, a lot of women feel ugly and useless.
The key to looking and feeling beautiful is working from the inside out. This is a process that can change our whole life. In the last few years, it has helped me to stop wasting my time on unimportant issues. Sure, I like to look beautiful, but I realized that most the time I do look beautiful. It is all in my own perception. To really start working on the inside we need to stop focusing on our outward appearance, deal with our negative emotional issues, create a personal life plan, and do our best. Once we take these steps, we are able to feel good about ourselves without the stress of obsessing over things we can't or don't need to change.
Stop Focusing on our Outward Appearance
"What we achieve inwardly will change reality."
Plutarch
Instead of focusing on what is on the outside, we need to focus on our inward appearance. It is my opinion that there are physically attractive people that are ugly. When I meet someone that is rude and obnoxious, I find that they become very unattractive. This is true whether they are physically beautiful or not.
Character and mindset is an important part of our inward appearance. When we are negative and not open to learning and growing, we do not have an attractive inward appearance. It is vital to work on our values and beliefs. When we value ourselves and others, we are working on what is really important. This maturity is vital for true inward beauty.
When I was in my late twenties, I obsessed over my outward appearance. By the time I was twenty-six, I wore a size 6 and bought clothes I couldn't afford on credit. At this time, I was working out one to two hours a day and taking hours to get ready. In addition, I worked full time and ended up not having a whole lot of time for my two year old daughter, Snow. It is a good thing that this didn't last long. Not only did I become physically and emotionally fatigued due to lack of food and rigorous exercise, but my relationships were in need of repair.
This was when I hit rock bottom, and I knew I needed to change. At this time, I began to work on my character and inward values. Instead of obsessing over my outward beauty, I decided to change my inward beauty. From this point on my confidence grew, and my relationships began to heal. Even my relationship with my daughter is beyond what I ever thought possible. We are close, because we are both working on perfecting ourselves from the inside out. Now, I have a beautiful twelve year old (she keeps reminding me that she will be thirteen in August) daughter, and she grows in beauty daily on the inside as well as the outside. Why? Because her true outward beauty is a reflection on what is inward.
Deal with our Negative emotional Issues
"Let's not be narrow, nasty, and negative."
T.S. Eliot
The above incidence when I was twenty-six is an example of negative emotional issues. Many women carry scares that they try to hide by working on their outward beauty. They don't want to work on the negative emotional issues, because they are too painful and would mean they admit imperfection. Women tend to work excessively on perfection, and they don't want anything to obstruct their image of perfection.
Working on negative emotional issues is one of the most important parts of developing inward beauty. Hurts can make success impossible to achieve. When people hurt they usually hurt other people. This means that relationships and contacts at work can be damaged. If people can't get over their emotional pain, they usually get angry and show that anger outwardly.
For years, I wanted a writing and public speaking career, but, due to the emotional scares, I was unable to learn and grow. Most of my failure was due to inactivity. In fact, I saw myself as a failure, so I never even tried. Lately, I have realized that I am able to do anything with hard work and perseverance. This includes writing, public speaking, receiving a college degree, and taking the GRE.
The GRE is a graduate exam, which is required by many universities to start on masters or doctoral degrees. Fortunately, up to this point, I have attended colleges that didn't require GRE scores. It doesn't matter to me, though. In two years, I will graduate with my master's degree, and I intend on working toward my doctorate. Although there are doctoral programs that don't require the GRE, I want to have my options open, so I need to have high GRE scores. Why do I bring the GRE up when I am talking about negative emotional issues? This is because I am dealing with negative emotional issues that stopped me from taking the GRE. Now, I will do everything I can to prepare for the exam and take the exam. If I don't get high scores the first time, I will take it until I do receive high scores.
Create a Personal Life Plan
"It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan."
Eleanor Roosevelt
It is vital that our minds are focused on fulfilling our purpose and goals in life, so we are not obsessed with our outward appearance. This is why a personal life plan is so important. When I started working on a personal life plan for my future, I was able to do what I could for my outward appearance and spend the rest of my time on my personal life plan.
There are certain jobs that require a certain type of clothing and appearance. This is where a personal life plan can help us decide what we need to wear and how we need to act, and, because it is already written in our personal life plan, we don't have to spend hours deciding what to wear and how to look each morning. Planning is the key to inward beauty and success.
Questions to ask when developing a personal life plan:
- What work do you do that you enjoy? (This is your purpose.)
- What are your goals for fulfilling your purpose? (List specific goals and due dates.)
- What education do you need to fulfill your purpose? How much education are you willing to pursue?
- How hard are you willing to work for your goals?
- How do you need to dress for your purpose? (Your purpose will become your career.)
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Do you have a schedule for working on your goals daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly? (If you don't have a schedule, work on one, now. There are many articles and books that explain creating a schedule, so take advantage of these great resources.)
Now that we have each answered the above questions, we have the starting of our personal life plan. We can expand on this life plan, so it includes more than just our purpose, goals, education, and clothing. In my personal life plan, I have written vacations I want to take and my dream home. First, we start with the most important parts of our life like purpose (career), relationships, and our education. Once we have the important parts of your life planned, we can develop a plan for the vacations to tropical islands and fast sports cars. This is called prioritizing, and it is important to know what you value and place each part of your life in order of importance.
This is an example of my priorities:
- Relationships: My family is extremely important to me. This family first includes my husband, three children, and my Aunt Ellen who lives with us. Next, I live extremely close to my husband's family. They supported and helped me out after my mother passed away. My sister-in-law, Teadran, is one of my closest friends. She is always there to help out with my children and adjust my back when I am in pain (she's an amazing chiropractor).
- Purpose (career): This is important to me, because I need to stop wandering through life and focus on what makes me happy. Writing personal development blogs, articles, and books is what makes me feel fulfilled. It is also important for me to teach personal development through public speaking.
- Education: At this time, I only have my bachelor degree. In two years, I will graduate with my Masters. After I graduate with my masters, I will work on my doctoral degree. Outside of college, I read books and take non-accredited classes that will teach me different aspects of personal development.
Do Our Best
"A problem is a chance for you to do your best."
Duke Ellington
The most important part of success is never giving up and doing our best. Sometimes it feels like our best isn't good enough. When we try our hardest, our best increases little by little. After awhile, we will realize that our best is more than enough. This is because we are working from the inside out. As we focus on the inward problems, the outward problems begin to disappear, too.
When I first started writing, I didn't get very good feedback and my college papers were returned with a lot of red marks. As I practiced and started writing what was on my heart, I began to improve and receive more positive feedback. Now, my papers don't come back from my professors with as many red marks. This is due to the fact that I did my best and kept working until I improved.
Lately, I have realized that it is more important for me to complement my children on doing their best. At first, I told them how smart and talented they were, but they respond to my requests and are happier when I complement their hard work. My oldest, Snow, has begun to do chores even when I don't ask. It is a joy to see her enjoy work, learning from her work and mistakes, and pursuing her purpose with all her might.
Challenge for the Week
This week we need to work from the inward out. Instead of focusing on our outward appearance, we need to look inwardly and pursue our purpose. This can be done by not focusing on outward appearance, dealing with negative emotional issues, creating a personal life plan, and doing our best. We need to remember that what matters in life comes from within us. As we prioritize and plan for our life, we are more able to work hard and create the life we want.
When my mom died, I knew that I wanted to make the rest of my life count. In the past, I focused so much on my outward appearance, but, now, I know what is really important. Following my dreams of becoming a writer and public speaker are important, and pursuing this dream is important to my family. If I can show my family that they can succeed with hard-work, then they will pursue their dreams and become successful. Even though I miss my mom, I know she is proud of the success I have achieved in my life. Right after she died, I completed my college degree and continued on to graduate school. My mom always supported me and told me how proud she was of my accomplishments. That pride that my mom instilled within me shines through.
"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experience behind them."
Eleanor Roosevelt