My Monday Map to Success

Frustration Blog

There are times in my life when I have struggled with frustration. It is when I feel like nothing in my life is going right. The optimal word is feels. Sometimes, I may feel like everything is going wrong, but it is not as bad as my feelings would have me to believe. These moments are depressive and lonely. In these moments, everything seems like it's coming unraveled.

    Many times, these moments of frustration come right after I complete a successful journey. It is a time of lull, and I become emotional over everything that happens. My mood is down and my family suffers, because I am less likely to control my temper. Before I started on my personal development journey, I would give into my anger and scream at who ever ticked me off. This included my husband, Brenton, and my children.

    This all occurred before I found ways to deal with frustration. Once I understood frustration and learned how to control the frustration, I was happier more often. My life use to stay in frustration mode, but, now, I am more likely to have good days with no frustration. This makes not only me happy, but it creates a peace in my home and makes my family happy.

    To deal with frustration, I have created my own steps that help me through frustration. These steps are getting into God's presence, helping someone else, finding purpose, and taking a break. When I apply these steps, it helps me to get through frustrating moments. Each step is vital to getting through frustration and getting in a better mood. The better mood is not only for my sake, but also for everyone who has to live with me.

1. Getting into God's Presence

   By this we shall come to know (perceive, recognize, and understand) that we are of the Truth, and can reassure (quiet, conciliate, and pacify) our hearts in His presence,

    

   Whenever our hearts in [tormenting] self-accusation make us feel guilty and condemn us [For we are in God's hands.] For He is above and greater than our consciences (our hearts), and He knows (perceives and understands) everything [nothing is hidden from Him].

   I John 3:19, 20

       To truly get into the presence of God, there are three things we need to do daily. First, we need to praise and worship Him. In praise and worship, we get our spirits lined up with His Spirit. Praise and worship can be done through singing, dancing, writing, and declaring God's wonders. As long as we are singing, dancing, writing, and declaring God's wonder with a humble heart, we will enjoy his presence. A humble heart means we know God gets all the glory and not us.

   Next, to get into God's presence, we need to pray. Prayer helps build our relationship with God. This doesn't mean we just talk continuously to God without a break. We find it annoying when others preoccupy the conversation. Conversations are two-sided. If we want to have a conversation with God, we need to pray and meditate on God and His greatness. If you focus on God and not our daily schedule or what is happening in the future, we will experience God's presence.

   Finally, the Bible is God's Word and our travel guide through life. It is necessary for us not only to read the Bible, but study and apply the Word of God to our life. Without the Bible, we do not know God's instructions and can become even more frustrated. If we will study thoroughly the Word of God, it will show us how to live victoriously and stop frustration before it pulls us down.

2. Helping Someone Else

   And we are now writing these things to you so that our joy [in seeing you included] may be full [and your joy may be completed].

   I John 1:4

    

   If we feel frustrated with our situation, we need to turn our attention to someone else and help them with a problem. This gets our mind off of our own situation, and it gives us the satisfaction of helping others. There is a reward of joy that helps us through difficult moments. Writing is one of the ways I try to help others.

   As we watch others grow and get through problems, it can also give us new ideas to help with our own problems. Recently, I helped a friend with one of her college classes. During this time, I found ways to effectively study for my own graduate class. Now, I am able to get my work done more efficiently and study less with better results.

   My mother-n-law, Karen Belknap, always helps others. At first, I didn't understand why she was so eager to help others. Now, I understand that it brings her joy, especially when the other person succeeds. If we help others, their success is accredited to us as well. It is a great feeling to know that you have gone through a problem with someone else, which can help build a relationship with that person. In addition, when you have a problem, they are more eager to help you out. It is a great way to build relationships with others.

3. Finding our Purpose

    

   "Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction."

   John F. Kennedy

    

       To get our focus away from whatever is frustrating us, we need to work on something that is important to us. As long as our focus is not what is frustrating us, we will get energy from working on finding and fulfilling our purpose. When I am frustrated, I write, work on my Bible Studies, or read one of my favorite books. This helps get me back to feeling better about my life and gets me closer to success.

       For example, I am taking a summer graduate class. When I take summer classes, I find it more difficult, because the rest of the family is ready for summer fun. They don't appreciate staying in the house while I study. There are times when I have to stop working on my class work and do something else. Sometimes, especially during these summer classes, I get out of the house with my family and have fun. Other times, I just switch my focus to something I like to do, such as working on my blog. Well, that is what I'm doing right now. My assignment is due this next Monday, so I am trying to get my paper done. Unfortunately, I was getting frustrated and had to switch to my blog, which is important to me and makes me feel fulfilled and successful.

4. Taking a Break

"Take rest; a field that has rested gives a beautiful crop."

Ovid

Of course, there are times when we can't even work on our purpose. These are the times that we need to stop working and start resting. Many times, we become frustrated due to exhaustion, so we need to lie down and take a nap or do something that doesn't take as much energy. After we rest, most likely, we are able to get a lot more work done. Sometimes, pushing ourselves to complete a project when we are exhausted is counterintuitive.

At these times, I try to take a nap, which is hard when you have children. They love to burst through the door when I have just fallen asleep. This is when I decide to either take them to grandma's house or lock my door. No, this does not always work, but this is when I find other relaxing activities like reading a book or watching my favorite shows. After a long day, I love to curl up next to my husband, Brenton, or one of my children and watch a movie. Many times, I fall asleep and get the rest I want as the kids are preoccupied by the movie.

Challenge for the Week

This week we need to figure out what is frustrating us. If we are frustrated, our lives are not as productive. When we work on finding ways to eliminate our frustration before it even begins, we can live each day with more joy. It also means that, even if we are not frustrated at any time this week, we need to work on preparing ourselves by practicing God's presence, helping other people, finding our purpose, and eliminating exhaustion even before we get to the point of frustration. Practice acting as if you cannot fail, because God has a plan for your life and He will see it through to completion.

"All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and frustration is this: Act as if it were impossible to fail."

Dorothea Brande

The Busy Blog

    Any more, I feel like my life never stops. As a wife and mother of three, I feel like I go from one activity to another. Although I wouldn't want it any other way, I do get tired and worn out from time to time. Each day starts with planning and breakfast, and it usually includes housework, homework, writing, errands, changing diapers, answering questions, making phone calls, answering email, cleaning up messes, running the children to their special activities, offering support to a physically or emotionally hurt child, making dinner, planning for the next day, and etc. Of course, it also includes lunch and dinner, because no one wants me to skip a meal.

    Does this sound familiar? For most parents, this is exactly what they go through. Some parents have full-time jobs and care for their families. Even singles have busy lives that never seem to quit. Every day is a new adventure, and, in our ever changing technological world, we feel that stopping will put us too far behind. Families are also feeling pulled in different directions. Parents have their list of activities, and the kids have their own list of activities. Many times, families see very little of each other through the week, and then they plan special outings away from each other on the weekend.

    Families are frustrated and stressed. There was a time that Brenton and I lived separately. He went to work and stayed late, and I would go home after work and take care of our young daughter. This was hard on our relationship, and we got to the point where we needed change. If we didn't change, we were headed for divorce. When we started realizing our problem, we decided to spend our time together by cutting down on our work hours. Many of our outside activities had to go, too. Now, we spend more hours together than apart, even though Brenton goes to work Monday through Friday.

    We still live extremely active lives, and we are always on the go. Yet, this time it is primarily done as a family. After school and work, we eat dinner together and on weekends we have special fun together. My children are active and want to continuously get out of the house, but there are times that Brenton and I have to say "no." Although they may be disappointed, most of the time they end up having fun at home and get the rest they need. Of course, that is the whole point of staying home. As parents, we know that our children, as well as us, need time to stop, rest, and spend time as a family. It doesn't mean do nothing, but we have fun quiet time with each other.

    There are a lot of activities that we like to do as a family. Some of them are energetic activities that are full of excitement and fun. Other activities are quiet and more relaxing. Whatever activities we choose, it is never dull and always special time for everyone involved. The one thing that we try to do is limit technology at these times. When we watch television or watch a movie, we are not actually engaged with each other. Engaging activities are focused on the family and building relationships. There are families we know that spend all the family time either in front of the television or at the movie theater. These families suffer, because they aren't getting to know each other better.

    In a previous paragraph, I mentioned singles, and, although my examples are from my family with two parents, three kids, and a nana, it can apply to any type of family. We live in a world where families are extremely diverse. There are some singles that live with roommates or their parents, and there are single parents and blended families that need to build relationships, too. If we are too busy to build relationships, we could lose the relationships we already have and struggle to develop new relationships.

    When we are always busy, we also get worn down and can become sick. There are times when I never have time to stop. This weekend is a great example of getting overly tired. My family and I went to a special event and got home after midnight. The next day, we got to church at 8:30 for music practice. Last night, I helped a friend with schoolwork and my husband, Brenton, with some typing. This morning I got to bed at 1:15 am. At noon, I started to get a headache, so I decided to lie down for an hour. Although the nap did not last long (my children don't like me to nap), it still helped me to feel more rested and ready to do my work.

    Tonight, I will get to bed earlier, so I can get up feeling refreshed and ready to get my work done. There was a time when I get upset with myself, because I struggle to get projects completed. Now, I know it is important to give myself a break when I get little sleep. At these times, I get done what I can, but, the rest of the time, I try to get the rest I need.

    There is a specific reason this week's blog is short and late. As I said, I spent time with my family, and I also took some time to get rest I needed after the long weekend. The time I spent with my family was priceless, and, now, I can get back to working on my projects.

Challenge for the week:

    For this week, I challenge everyone to slow down for at least a day. Take time with family and friends, and take time to rest. Of course, it is important to get work done, but it is just as important to build relationships and get our bodies rejuvenated. The work will be there when we get back.

My Big Projects

Big Projects

"That some achieve success, is proof that others can achieve it as well."

Abraham Lincoln

Big projects can be daunting. Sometimes, projects can be abandoned, because they get too overwhelming. There are ways to overcome fear in the midst of big projects and become successful. For big projects, I create steps for completing big projects, know that it is okay if I make mistakes, find creative ways to work on projects, enlist help on complex projects, and learn to study and ask questions that get me closer to project success. When I put these steps into action, I am able to conquer all my tough projects.

Creating Steps

A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carelessly planned project takes only twice as long."

Unknown

Recently, I have found a new method of completing projects. When I start a project, I divide it into steps. Sometimes, a step can take five minutes. Other steps can take several hours, days, months, and years. If I can do the smaller steps first, then I can work my way up until the whole project is completed. Even house cleaning is easier when I do it this way.

Sometimes, projects can be overwhelming, so writing out steps is a way to break it down and get the project done without stressing. When I am taking a class for graduate school, I take the assignments and break them down into chunks. For instance, a big graduate paper can be broken into research, writing on the different aspects of the topic, and editing the paper. Sometimes, I divide questions that I need to answer. In my last class, I had to answer fifty questions, which can be difficult when taking care of three children, writing blogs, teaching Bible studies, and managing a home. Every day, I would work on at least five questions. There were times when I would write on more questions, but, if I didn't get more than five questions completed, it was okay.

Abandon Perfectionism

"Done is better than perfect."

Scott Allen

My workout plan is the same way. It used to frustrate me when I couldn't get in an hour of walking each day. Now, I do what I can, and don't stress over what I don't get done. Today, as I got through thirty minutes of my workout, I decided I was too tired to continue. Instead of continuing and getting over exhausted, I went half the time and went on with my day. Most of the time, I would have pushed myself on, but I was tired from the day before and I had a lot of work to get done.

There was a time that I would get upset with myself if I didn't get a project completely done. If I didn't get hours of work done, I would get irritated and depressed. This is less of an issue, now, because I see each step as a success. It also helps that I understand that mistakes are part of the learning process. Not every project will be done in a day, and not every project will be perfect.

In the past, I would wait for everything to work out perfectly before I started a project. Usually there is no such thing as a perfect time. There are usually interruptions that threaten the project. Waiting for perfection is death to every project. A few years ago, I lost my mom, and it made me realize that I was wasting my time. No one is assured tomorrow, so I needed to get busy and pursue my purpose and build my relationships without a perfectionist's attitude.

Get Creative

"Creativity comes from looking for the unexpected and stepping outside your own experience."

Masaru Ibuka

Another way to get big projects completed is to get creative. If I have to research for an article, I use colorful notebooks or pens. This helps to break the monotony. When it is time to clean the house, I bring in candles and decorations that will inspire me to clean. No one wants new candles or decorations in a dirty house. There are times, I put on music and dance around the house as I dust.

Setting up a reward system for myself is another great way to motivate me. If I have a graduate project due, I set up a reward before I start studying. This way I look forward to receiving my reward, so I continually work until the project is completed and I have my reward in hand. Although expensive rewards are okay from time to time, it is better on the finances if I set up small inexpensive rewards. These rewards are things that are important to me and will get me to finish the project as soon as possible.

Enlist Help

"Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well."

Voltaire

There are some projects that need extra help. This is when I ask someone else to help me. There are several people that I know will help me with projects. These people are willing to give of their time, and they never put me down because I need extra help. As my children get older, they are more and more willing to help me out. Of course, some of them are limited by their age, but they do what they can and are learning how to do more as they grow older. For instance, my daughter is almost thirteen, so she is able to do more than her younger brother, Danny. Danny is seven and can do more than his two year brother, so I give them jobs according to their ages.

My husband, Brenton, is amazing when it comes to helping with my projects. This isn't just getting the project done, but also giving me moral support. When I have a block and unable to continue my project, he lends me an ear and allows me to talk about my emotions and what is blocking my success. My Aunt Ellen and sister-in-law, Teadran, helps me by watching my children when I need to get a big project done. This happened this spring when I was working on a graduate project, but needed time without any distractions. The kids love it, because they get to go to their Aunt T's house.

Study and Ask Questions

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance."

Confucius

Another important part of completing projects is studying and asking questions. Sometimes, we don't complete projects, because we are scared to ask questions. It is important to ask questions, so that we can learn more about the project subject. There was a time in my life where I didn't want to ask questions, because I didn't want people to think I didn't know something. As I look back on that time, I know it is because I didn't want them to think I was stupid. Well, I am not perfect, and I have to ask questions to get smarter. It is vital that I expand my knowledge through questions, and it doesn't bother me if people think I am stupid. Everybody has to ask questions, because no one is born with all the right answers.

When I was in high school, studying was so boring, and I couldn't wait until the big breaks like summer vacation. Now, I love to study and learn new things. My love for learning started when I started dating Brenton. He knew tons of facts, but he wanted to learn more. This was puzzling to me. His love for learning rubbed off on me, and I started to research and study even when I wasn't taking a college class. Learning facts is a lot of fun and come in handy when playing trivia with Brenton (although, I still haven't beaten him at trivia, but I will continue to try). Taking graduate classes help me gain more knowledge through research.

As I learned to study for school, I realized that I also needed to study for various projects like organizing my home, raising my children, and writing a blog. For instance, when I wanted to learn more about cooking, I got books and studied them. These books included recipe books and books about different cooking techniques. Book stores have books on a multiple of subjects, so it doesn't take much time to find studying resources. The internet is also a great tool for learning how to do projects. Many stores, such as home improvement stores, have classes that teach certain decorating and remodeling skills. There is no excuse for not completing projects, because the ability to learn is at our finger tips.

Conclusion

"Well done is better than well said."

Benjamin Franklin

Projects don't have to control me, because I have the ability to control them. Each day, I try to use the steps above and get closer to completing a project. For years, I have worked on decluttering my house. Although, I am not completely done, I know that I am closer now than I was three years ago. Another project that I want to complete is my book that I have started. These steps will be applied to my book project, so I can complete my book and get it published.

This Weeks Challenge

"Accept the challenge so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory."

George S. Patton

My challenge this week is to write down a project that I want to complete. This project will be one that I have struggled to get started or is half finished. Once I know what project I want to complete, I will write down all the steps I need to complete. As I work through this project, I will continually remind myself that I am not perfect, and that mistakes are a part of the process. It will also be my goal to find creative ways to work through this project, so that it does not get boring and mundane. Of course, I will also enlist the help of my friends and family. They will help me when I get stuck or need a little extra help. Finally, I will study the project subject and ask plenty of questions, because there is no such thing as a stupid question.