"As selfishness and complaint pervert the mind, so love with its joy clears and sharpens the vision."
Helen Keller
We all were born selfish and needy. As we get older, we believe these selfish tendencies go away by themselves. Unfortunately, many of us continue our selfish ways, which causes us to struggle through our lives. Some of us do grow out of selfishness through the help of our parents and the Word of God. If we struggle with selfishness as adults, we can still mature and learn to lessen our selfishness. This takes the Word of God and a lot of hard work, but it is all worth the effort. Learning to live unselfish lives is more peaceful and productive.
Here is my confession: I am a selfish adult that is working on living an unselfish life. When did I discover that I was selfish? Well, when I had children, of course. Suddenly, I realized that my children and I were locked in power struggles. They wouldn't give in and I wouldn't give in, so the battle between us would rage. It has become less of a struggle in the last few years, because I decided to work on my selfishness. When I started working on my selfishness and let go of the power struggles, my children became easier to work with and less selfish.
There are five ways that I found to defeat selfishness. These five steps are having the same attitude, purpose, and mind of Christ, checking personal motives and denying oneself, loving others, and giving to the poor. This may sound easy, but it takes prayer and commitment to apply each of these steps. Every time I catch myself with a selfish attitude, I must go straight to God and repent. Next, I go to His Word and read the selfishness scriptures that go with each step above.
Throughout this blog, I will give a scripture that pertains to each step. At the end of the blog, I will create a master list of selfishness scriptures, which can be used to combat any selfishness. It is vital to study the Word and spend time in prayer. Without the Word and Prayer, we struggle and have no fruits of the Spirit in our lives. Getting rid of selfishness will allow the fruits of the Spirit to actively live within us.
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Have the same attitude, purpose, and mind of Christ.
"Do nothing from factional motives [through contentiousness, strife, selfishness, or for unworthy ends] or prompted by conceit and empty arrogance. Instead, in true spirit of humility (lowliness of mind) let each regard the others as better than and superior to himself [thinking more highly of one another than you do of yourselves.
Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others.
Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]
Who, although being essentially one with God and in the form of God [possessing the fullness of the attributes which make God God], did not think this equality with God was a thing to be eagerly grasped or retained,
But stripped Himself [of all privileges and rightful dignity], so as to assume the guise of a servant (slave), in that he became like men and was born a human being."
Philippians 2:3-7
Christ came to earth by taking off His crown and laying down His royalty. He did all this for His lost people who were disobedient and selfish. In the past, I asked why He would do such a thing. It didn't make sense to me that Christ would humble Himself for children who were so imperfect, but then I became a mother and understood. As a mom, I would give my life for my children who are disobedient at times, and God is even more perfect and loving than me.
With this said, we need to work on developing Christ's characteristics. The same attitudes that Christ modeled here on earth, we also need to possess. Christ had a positive, faith-filled attitude that was patient and kind to those He talked to, healed, and disciplined. Even when the Pharisees were trying to entrap Him, He always gave an answer to their questions with a humble attitude. When Judas betrayed Him, He simply told Him to do what He needed to do.
Christ came to earth with purpose. He would not give up until His purpose was completed. We all have a God-given purpose that we need to fulfill. When we serve Christ, we are on a mission that we either accept or do not accept. It is our choice, but, when we accept our mission, our lives are filled with excitement and a joy that cannot be expressed.
Right now, as I write this blog, I am so excited and joyful. There is excitement and joy in my life, because I am working on God's purpose for my life. Before I started studying the Word, writing my blog, and working on my book, I was unfulfilled and miserable. Now, I am less selfish, because I know that God has a special plan for my life.
Developing a mind of Christ occurs through His Word. When we study His Word, it dwells within us, so we can use His word in any situation in our lives. One day, my two year old, Andy, decided to have a series of mad fits that were accompanied by screaming. This was a very hot day and we were out of town, so I could not take him home. Finally, it was time to go home, so I went to put him in his car seat, which did not make him happy. Any parent knows that putting a screaming two year old in a car seat can become a challenge. Suddenly, after saying a prayer, I said, "In the name of Jesus you will calm down and stop screaming." Next, I started quoting part of II Timothy 1:7: "…but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control." Immediately, Andy calmed down and looked at me with peace and contentment. That is the power of the Word!!!
- Check personal motives and deny oneself.
"And Jesus called [to Him] the throng with His disciples and said to them, If anyone intends to come after Me, let him deny himself [forget, ignore, disown, lose sight of Himself and his own interests] and take up his cross, and [joining Me as a disciple and siding with My party] follow with Me [continually, cleaving steadfastly to Me].
Mark 8:34
There are times when we do things, but we are not blessed or rewarded for them. This is due to our motives. When we do things for others, we must deny ourselves and do it with selfless motives. If we help others with the right motives, we are helping God. God is pleased when we help Him here on earth.
"Then the King will say to those at His right hand, Come, you blessed of My Father [you favored of God and appointed to eternal salvation], inherit (receive as your own) the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.
For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink, I was a stranger and you brought Me together with yourselves and welcomed and entertained and lodged Me,
I was naked and you clothed Me, I was sick and you visited Me with help and ministering care, I was in prison and you came to see Me.
Then the just and upright will answer Him, Lord, when did we see you hungry and gave You food, or thirsty and gave You something to drink?
And when did we see You a stranger and welcomed and entertained You, or naked and clothed You?
And when did we see You sick or in prison and came to visit You?
And the King will reply to them, Truly I tell you, in so far as you did it for one of the least [in the estimation of men] of these My brethren, you did it for Me."
Matthew 25:34-40
This is all the motive we need. If we do things for others as if they are Christ, then we will always have the right motive. Christ will be pleased with us when we do everything for Him. He will not be pleased if we do everything for ourselves. What I want more than anything else: to please God, so I can have a peaceful and productive life. With God on my side, I cannot go wrong.
- Loving others.
"Let each one of us make it a practice to please (make happy) his neighbor for his true welfare, to edify him (to strengthen him and build him up spiritually."
Romans 15:2
When we love others, we are less selfish. It is hard to act selfishly when we care about the other person. Last week, my children went to summer kid's camp in Plano, TX. Each kid went to a class at different times, so the other kid got to pick where they wanted to go while they waited for their class to start. During this time, we went to my favorite mall. Although there were certain shops that I enjoy more than others, I went where my kids wanted to go. Why would I deny myself this pleasure? My children are important to me and I love them, so it is vital that I show them my love by favoring them.
This is also important when we deal with acquaintances and strangers. These people need us to show them the love of Christ. If someone needs someone to talk to, we need to willingly give them our time. Others need encouragement, so we need take the time to inspire them through words or gifts. Everything we do needs to show our love for God and man.
My husband, Brenton, is one of the most caring people I know. When he sees someone in need, he drops everything and helps them. This is due to the love he has for them. Many people admire and respect him, because of his love and kindness. We met eighteen years ago, and it was his love for others and sense of humor that attracted me to him. He always went out of his way to make each person he met feel important.
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Giving to the poor.
"He who gives to the poor will not want, but he who hides his eyes [from their want] will have many a curse."
Proverbs 28:27
One way to combat selfishness is to give to the poor. When we give to the poor, we help ourselves conquer selfishness. It is hard to act selfishly when we are helping someone else. This is especially true when the person has a great need. As we said in the section about checking our motives, helping others also pleases God.
In my life, I have a lot of friends and family that give with eagerness. They are always finding people to give to or helping out their own family. These people are truly blessed. When I say they are blessed, I don't just mean blessed through their finances. My friends and family that give are blessed with the fruits of the Spirit. God has given them everything they need to succeed, because they help others to succeed.
On the other hand, I know people who do not give freely to others. They usually are miserable people, and are constantly trying to make themselves happy with money and material things. These things do not make them happy, so they end up grouchy and alone. God is not pleased with this kind of behavior, so, as Christians, we need to work on changing our selfish attitude to a more giving attitude.
Challenge of the Week
"But if anyone has this world's goods (resources for sustaining life) and sees his brother and fellow believer in need, yet closes his heart of compassion against him, how can the love of God live and remain in him?
Little children, let us not love [merely] in theory or in speech but in truth [in practice and in sincerity)."
I John 3:17, 18
This week we need to examine our own actions and motives. If there is any selfishness in us, we need to use the Word of God and start to live as Christ lived. This will change our lives and create a success that we did not even know was possible. God needs people to give themselves unselfishly, so that they can be an example of Christ to the world.
"Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Selfishness Scriptures
Proverbs 28:27
Mark 8:34
Romans 12:10
Romans 15:2
I Corinthians 9:19
I Corinthians 10:24
I Corinthians 10:33
II Corinthians 5:15
Galatians 6:2
Philippians 2:3-7
I Timothy 5:6
I John 3:17, 18
*All Bible verses are from The Everyday Life Bible.